That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
