The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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