I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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