I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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