Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
