It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
