if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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