There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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