it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
