i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
