A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
