So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
