We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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