I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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