I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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