You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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