That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
