It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
