He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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