a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
