either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Randomize
