i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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