I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
