im drinking this country out of the recession.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
