Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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