that's an acceptable place to lick
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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