Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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