Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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