You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
