OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize