I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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