Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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