I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
