Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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