My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize