We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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