I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
