Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
