My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
