u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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