How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize