i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
