Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
