There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
