Porn is love you can see.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
