i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize
