even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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