It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
