You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
