I will die if light touches me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
