do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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