That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
