Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
