Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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