what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize