you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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