i permit you to call me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize