Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
