ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
