i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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