Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
