when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
