so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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