i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize