Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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