i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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