Pants 0. Shit 1.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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