it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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