i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
