Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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