May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
