see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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