I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
