i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need water and some morals
Randomize
