and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
