I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
please don't ironically join a cult
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