our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize