i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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