i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
