I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
