He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
