i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
