i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
