i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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