The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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