Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did i walk over a car last night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
