lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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