haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
