i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize