I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
