You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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