So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
