Sry I called you an 8
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
