If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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