Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This baby is an asshole
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
how does that bad decision feel?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
