I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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