she kept yelling 'call me bella'
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
