2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
