Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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