Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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