She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
