it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
