you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
