the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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