I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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