I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You can't motorboat a personality
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
