I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
