By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
