i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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