I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
