He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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