I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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