There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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