plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
